People say that time heals all wounds.
Seven years is a lot of time.
Some days it doesn’t matter.
Some days I just miss her.
There is a song that I listen to that comforts my heart
when the loss becomes unbearable.
You’re Never Alone: when your hope has been broken and the fear is unspoken but true.
You’re Never Alone: like a dream in a child or a childish dream in you.
I’d do anything that I can do to show you my love and comfort you...
You’re never alone: like a tear in the ocean or a star on a clear winter night
You’re never alone: when the courage you needed has been all but defeated in you
I’d do anything that I can do to show you my love and comfort you.
When you can’t seem to find your way Home.
And when Life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as your Light through your darkest unknowns.
I will walk with you.
So your never alone.
Loss is hard. The emptiness. The pain. The devastation. The extreme sadness we feel can be heavy, overwhelming, even paralyzing. We feel at a loss. We feel alone.
The loss can bring us to a stand still. We watch as life continues on and we wonder how that is even possible. We go through the motions, sometimes we don’t even move at all.
I have watched as people remain in the paralyzing stand still of sadness. When they allow the despair to stifle the light, the life, inside of them. When they die along with the loss.
I have also watched as people gloss over the loss. Ignore it. Consider emotions weakness and move on as if nothing happened. They close the door as if those relationships, those memories, those moments never existed. And the people never mattered.
Both of those avenues lead to further pain.
Neither of those avenues lead to healing.
I have come to the understanding that sadness can be a transformative mechanism. Feelings. Emotions. There is a reason, there is a purpose for each one. Not an identification or a justification. A purpose.
Sadness is a protective mechanism for loss. It urges us, if we allow it, to slow down. To pause. To reflect upon that which we feel like we lost. To allow ourselves to sit in the feeling. To find silence and stillness in the feeling. To be present in the moment.
And in that moment, we allow ourselves an opportunity to find the meaning.
The lesson. The love. The purpose.
Out of that awareness, we allow ourselves the opportunity to heal.
To create anew. To fill the loss with a new beginning. A new blessing.
And we welcome the transformation.
We are then free to truly move forward. To carry on with Life. With New Life.
It has been seven years.
Some days I listen to songs that she loved,
that spoke to her,
because I want her to speak to me.
Some days I make her favorite meals,
follow her recipes,
just to taste her love.
Some days my brothers will say something that sounds exactly like her.
God knows my mom was never shy with her opinion.
Some days I can see her in my aunts’ expressions;
hear her in their laughter.
And some days, when the wind blows just so,
I can feel her hand graze my face
and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
And in that moment, I can breathe her in. Feel her. Sense her. Surround myself with her. And I know, from a truth that wells up from the deepest part of my soul, that I am